Feminine Divine Energy

Dear Beloved

I believe that I cannot write about the Divine Feminine without sharing a bit of my own experiences and attachment to the Divine Feminine within. This topic is not just a concept for me, but a reality therefore I felt guided to write this first article on the Feminine Divine from a personal perspective. This month of August is an important milestone for me in a turning point in my spiritual experiences.

I was raised in a devout Catholic community and my family on my mother's side was open to listening to spirit and acknowledging their messages. I grew up hearing tales from my mother about the seances that my grandparents held in their home while she was growing up and therefore for me to see dead people and hearing them talk was 'normal'. Many others in the family had gifts of foresight and premonitions.

From a very young age, my mother would tell me that I was Mother Mary's child and this instilled in me a deep connection with the Divine. I had awareness of spirit, angels and energy vibrations. I always felt one with the energy around me and I always thought that everyone else also felt the same experiences as myself. As I grew older, I realised that my spiritual experiences where my own. My feminine self felt drawn to healing work, chakra healing, palmistry, psychic tendencies and tarot, all of which was fundamentally inherited gifts in our lineage. If you don't use it, you lose it....and I chose to use my gifts.

My Divine Feminine energy as a Catholic person was directed to Mother Mary who I saw as Divine Feminine, Divine Mother. One of the ways of honoring the Divine Feminine relationship was by praying my rosary daily. At some point I started feeling  dis-ease in my spirit, I needed something more. Following the Feminine Divine lead me first to total chaos, before I found peace. The journey started in 2008 when my Guardians and Guides started talking more frequently to me. Listening to them saved my life, even though I was a bit resistant at first. I went from experiencing dis-ease to actually having a disease....an illness.

It happened one morning, I woke to a voice telling me to check my breast. I was confused and I didn't register the message. I had to get ready for work and I had four children to get ready for school (one of them was still in crèche). As I rushed into the bathroom to shower, I heard the voice again, check your breast-which I ignored again. I had a lot on mind at that point in my life and I was prioritizing my lists in my head when I heard the voice shouting this time, that I must check my breast. Oh my word- I felt a huge lump! It felt like a rock. How did I never notice this? I had no answer. I remember feeling as though everything inside me went silent and I stood still in shock. My Guardian took over, instructing me on what to do. I could not think. I could not process. I saw everything around me move in slow motion and I went through my duties. I don't know how I did it, but I was calm. I drove the kids to school. I drove myself to work. All the time following my Guide....most literally, I heard her direct me to my morning routine, to get the kids organized, to get them into the car, to drive, to stop, to move....and directing my steps. I found myself sitting at my desk looking for a doctor. It was fortunately December time and the company that I was working for had a compulsory shut down over the Christmas period. I was one of the few skeleton staff members on duty.

As a family, we had never been sick. We did not have a family doctor. In quiet deliberation, almost in hypnotic silence I moved around in a catatonic state....one call after the other, I couldn't get an appointment anywhere. It was close to Christmas....most companies were closing for the holidays. Staff was going on leave. I couldn't get a get a booking with a doctor to get a referral for a mammogram. I remember the last doctor's room that I called.....the receptionist, told me, again that there was no appointments available and she then paused, almost as though spirit spoke to her and she asked me why did I need to see the doctor. I told her about my lump. She paused and then said call the mammogram department at Little Company of Mary and ask them to see me without a referral, she said to tell them why I needed to have a mammogram done. 

I called the mammogram department and was told once again that they could not see me until the following the year. 

I sat in silence, numb, thoughtless and I felt grief gripping my heart.

Most of the staff in our department was on leave and I had no work to do, apart from fielding calls. My day ended in silence and I remember that I was about to leave the office when the phone rang, it was the mammogram department at Little Company of Mary, to inform me that they had a cancelation and they could see me the next day at 09h00 am. 

I was diagnosed with advanced stage 2 cancer. Divine guidance, Divine timing. My cancerous lump measured 5cm already and my oncologist insisted that I had to have my operation before Christmas or my cancer would spread throughout my body and I would die during the following year. I had an aggressive cancer gene. I had listened to the call of the Divine and it led me to healing. I felt peace. I felt as though everything was going to be okay. I felt positive. I was opened to listening to the call of Feminine Divine and little did I realise that the year of chemotherapy and radiation treatments was the easy part. Thereafter came the chaos. 

I started feeling a different vibration, a restless energy around me and it started happening aroundabout this very time....August. The strong pull of the Divine Feminine created upheaval, like Mother Nature herself tore through the very fabric of my life. I didn't always listen to the Divine Feminine instructions and she gave me a shake up with such intensity that the only way was forward. I got divorced. I left my job. I moved from Pretoria to Cape Town.

I started doing my tarot readings more openly while living in Cape Town, but that was not enough. I was still tied up and caught up in toxic drama and manipulation and in the turmoil of these unfolding dramas I felt an intense calling to Mother Luxmi. I would hear the word 'Luxmi' all the time. I would be awoken from sleep, hearing, Luxmi Luxmi Luxmi....non stop. The Divine Feminine energy was moving me towards a different path. I was stubborn, wanting to hold onto what was acceptable to my Catholic society. I wanted to hold onto the idea of how life should be....and I steadily lost grip of everything in my life, I went from living in a gated community to sleeping in my car with my children. Surrender completely to Divine Mother, that was the only way. I needed to co-create with Her and not try do things according to my will. 

The Universe opened up the pathway for me like an airplane runaway lights up in the darkness. 

I was always meant to be on this path and my many attempts to bypass the path was useless. I asked many questions and sometimes received answers from the Divine, other times people, with more knowledge than I, came onto my path to answer my many questions. Eventuality I realised that I had to surrender to the natural flow of life and learn when to accept in silence and when to ask with purpose and intention. 

The path led me to an introduction to Bhakti Marga where I was initiated into Atma Kriya. A few months later I met our Guru in person, Paramahansa Sri Swami Vishwananda and l was blessed with the name Meenakshi by Him during our first time of Darshan.

I learnt a better way to meditate. I learnt to engage in spiritual practices to connect better with the Divine Feminine energy. I learnt that total freedom and peace comes with total surrender to the Feminine Divine.  The path led me to reuniting with my ex husband and he also felt called to join the path. When two are evenly yoked, it makes the path easier.

During this month, start meditating with purpose and intention.

xoxo, 

Meenakshi